They are constantly scanning:

“What version of my parent am I getting today?”
​
This often becomes anxiety, overthinking, and nervous system hypervigilance in adult life.

​2. Over-Explaining Everything - They feel the need to explain:

• what they’re doing
• why they’re doing it
• what they meant
• why something happened

Even when no one asked.
This is often rooted in trying to avoid blame, criticism, or emotional backlash.
It was never about being dramatic.
It was about staying safe.

3. Big Reactions to Inconsistency - When childhood felt unpredictable, small changes can feel much bigger later in life.
They may react strongly to:

• mixed messages
• cancelled plans
• emotional distance
• being ignored
• unclear communication

Because inconsistency once meant danger, rejection, or emotional chaos.

4. Shape-Shifting to Fit In - They learned that being themselves wasn’t always safe.
So they became who others needed them to be:

• agreeable
• quiet
• helpful
• high-achieving
• funny
• invisible

As adults, they may feel like a different version of themselves depending on who they’re with.

5. Feeling Responsible for Other People’s Emotions - They learned early that keeping the peace mattered.
So they become the one who:

• smooths things over
• calms everyone down
• takes responsibility
• avoids conflict
• abandons their own needs

This often leads to emotional exhaustion and one-sided relationships.

6. Struggling to Trust Their Own Reality - If they were told:

• “That never happened”
• “You’re too sensitive”
• “You always exaggerate”
• “You’re imagining things”

…they may grow up doubting their own feelings, memory, instincts, and perceptions.
They second-guess themselves constantly.

7. Achieving to Feel Worthy - Love may have felt conditional.
So they learned:

“If I succeed, please, perform, or make them proud… maybe then I’ll be enough.”

This creates adults who may look successful externally, but internally feel anxious, empty, or never quite enough.

The Important Truth - These patterns were once protective.
They helped a child survive an emotionally difficult environment.
But survival patterns are not identity.
They can be understood.
They can be healed.
They can be replaced with safety, confidence, boundaries, and self-trust.

Ready to Break the Pattern?

I offer 1-2-1 therapy and coaching for adults healing from:

• childhood emotional wounds
• narcissistic family dynamics
• people-pleasing
• anxiety
• relationship patterns
• low self-worth
• trauma responses

Together we gently untangle what was learned in survival… and create a healthier way forward.
Book a free confidential session today
​.👉https://patriciamaddalena.co.uk/1-2-1
BIG LOVE,

​Trish x
​

And this can show up as:

• Big emotions that come quickly and feel intense
• Sensitivity to noise, light, touch, or busy environments
• Struggling to calm down once upset
• Feeling easily overwhelmed
• Difficulty focusing or settling
• A strong startle response or underlying anxiety

​From the outside, it can look like overreacting…
But from the inside, their body genuinely feels like something isn’t quite safe.

There are lots of gentle reasons this can happen, and none of them mean anything has gone “wrong.”
Sometimes it’s linked to:

• Birth experiences (very fast, very slow, or assisted)
• Less time moving freely on the floor
• Skipping or rushing early movement stages like rolling or crawling
• Time spent in more restrictive positions (car seats, carriers, etc.)
• Early stress or overwhelm in the body

Those early movement patterns are more important than we often realise, they help wire the brain and body together. And when they’re missed or shortened, the body can hold onto these reflexes a little longer.

What can you do to help?
The good news is… the nervous system can learn. It can adapt.
And there are really simple, gentle ways you can support your child at home:
Co-regulation first
Before asking your child to calm down, help them feel calm through you, your voice, your presence, your energy.
Slowing things down
Creating moments of calm and reducing overwhelm gives their system space to reset.
Slow, rhythmic movement
Rocking, swaying, cuddling, these help the body feel safe and settled.
Deep pressure
A firm hug, wrapping in a blanket, or gentle pressure on shoulders can feel really grounding.
Floor-based play
Rolling, stretching, crawling-style play helps reconnect the brain and body and supports integration.
A gentle shift
When you start to see it this way, something changes…
It’s not just “behaviour.”
It’s your child’s nervous system asking for support.
They’re not trying to be difficult.
They’re doing their best with a body that’s trying to keep them safe.
And with your support, gently and over time…
that system can learn a new way

SIGN UP - The REGULATION TOOLKIT FREE: 
​https://iausm.mn.co/plans/1949431?bundle_token=c940b43ca382386f6eacfbc9c650d567&utm_source=manual  
​

When a child is struggling, at school, with friends, or with their emotions, our instinct is often to jump straight into “Why?”

• “Why don’t you like school?”
• “Why did you do that?”
• “Why are you upset?”

​Although these questions come from care and concern, they often have the opposite effect of what we intend. Instead of helping children open up, “why” questions can actually shut the conversation down.

Understanding why this happens, and how to shift to more supportive ways of asking questions, can make a huge difference in how children share, process, and feel understood.

The Problem With “Why?”
1. “Why” Feels Like Blame or Judgement
For an adult, “why” sounds neutral. For a child, it can feel like they’re being accused or put on the spot.
A “why” question can sound like:

• “You’ve done something wrong.”
• “You should have behaved differently.”
• “You need to justify yourself.”

This emotional pressure often leads children to withdraw, shut down, or respond with “I don’t know.”

2. Children Often Don’t Have the Words
Most children, especially under 12, don’t yet have the emotional vocabulary or cognitive processing skills to explain motives.

They may feel something strongly but have no idea why.

So when asked a “why” question, they genuinely can’t answer, which can make them feel overwhelmed, confused, or frustrated.

3. “Why” Focuses on the Problem, Not the Experience
“Why” questions dive into justification.

They pull the child into self-defence instead of reflection.

They tell the child to explain their behaviour instead of helping them feel safe to talk about what’s happening.

The Power of “What” Questions
Moving from “Why did you…?” to “What happened…?” changes everything.
“What” questions are:

• Open
• Non-judgemental
• Grounded in curiosity
• Focused on the experience, not the blame

They guide the child into describing events, sensations, interactions, and emotions without feeling cornered.

Here are some examples:

• ❌ Why don’t you like school?
  ✔️ What happens at school that feels difficult?
• ❌ Why are you upset?
  ✔️ What was going on right before you started feeling upset?
• ❌ Why did you do that?
  ✔️ What were you hoping would happen?
• ❌ Why do you always fight with them?
  ✔️ What is it about those moments that becomes tricky?

These small shifts create big changes.

Why “What” Questions Help Children Open Up
1. They Feel Emotionally Safer
“What” questions invite sharing, not defending.
The child feels like you’re trying to understand them, not judge them.

2. They Help Children Build Awareness
“What” questions guide children to connect their actions, feelings, and experiences, essential building blocks for emotional intelligence.

3. They Lead to Real Answers
Because children aren’t overwhelmed or defensive, they can tell you what’s actually happening:

• Who said something
• What the teacher did
• What they felt in their body
• What triggered the reaction
• What they need now

This is where the real insight lies.

How to Use “What” Questions in Everyday Life
Try integrating these phrases:

• “What’s the hardest part of that?”
• “What were you feeling in that moment?”
• “What happened just before that happened (or you felt like that)?”
• “What do you wish had happened instead?”
• “What would help next time?”
• “What do you need right now?”

Each one creates connection instead of conflict.

Connection First, Understanding Second

At its heart, the shift from “why” to “what” is about relationship, not interrogation.

It tells the child:

• “You’re safe with me.”
• “I want to understand your world.”
• “I’m here to help, not judge.”

​
And when children feel understood, they become more open, confident, reflective, and resilient.

We’re thrilled to announce two exciting developments to help you step confidently into your role as a mindfulness educator and coach:

1. New Flexible Pricing for Mindset Matters: Life Coaching for Kids Teacher Training

Whether you're looking to launch a new career or enhance your existing work with children, we now offer three course options designed to suit your schedule, learning style, and goals:

£475 – Self-Paced, Content-Only Option (Available with Mindset Matters + Adult Mindfulness)
Perfect for experienced coaches, educators, or wellness professionals who prefer independent learning and want to dive into the content in their own time and style. This option includes the full training programme, and lifetime access to all resources and future updates - without the 1:1 mentoring support, assignments, certification accredited by us. (Can be added in at a later date)

£900 – Full Training Package with 1:1 Support
Includes the full course plus bi-weekly 1:1 video mentoring sessions with our founder, Patricia Maddalena. Ideal if you want expert guidance, personalised feedback, and accountability as you build your confidence and wellbeing business. Comes with assignments, accredited certification, and lifetime access to all resources and future updates.
​
Special Bundle Price – £675 Each When You Enrol in Two or More Trainings
If you're ready to invest in two or more full training packages, each course is just £675 (instead of £900) - including full 1:1 support, assignments, certification, and lifetime access. Perfect for those looking to expand their skillset across children’s yoga, teen yoga, mindfulness, and life coaching with expert mentoring every step of the way.

👉 View Full Details & Enrol Here

2. New! Self-Paced Mindfulness & Meditation Teacher Training for Adults

We’re also excited to launch our brand new Self-Paced Mindfulness & Meditation Teacher Training, which will enable you to teach adults who want to deepen their personal practice and share the benefits of mindfulness with others.

Ideal for teachers, yoga instructors, wellness professionals, and community leaders, this flexible training gives you:

• Foundations of mindfulness and meditation
• Tools to develop your teaching presence and confidence
• Editable class plans, meditation scripts, and presentation templates
• Editable weekly Powerpoint Presentations and student manuals
• Lifetime access to updates and resources

Bonus: Trauma-Informed Practice Module

​Included in the course is our essential Trauma-Informed Practice Training, helping you create emotionally safe, inclusive spaces, and understand the neurobiology of trauma and emotional regulation.

Bonus: Launch ToolkitYou’ll also gain access to our Teaching Launch Toolkit, with business templates, a sample risk assessment, and marketing strategies to help you set up classes, workshops, or a private practice.
​
👉 View Full Details & Enrol Here

🦊 Online CPD Courses from £30–£97
Affordable, accessible continuing professional development at your fingertips.

Choose from short courses designed to deepen your skills and boost your confidence, perfect for topping up your knowledge or adding fresh inspiration to your toolkit.

• Trauma-Informed Practice CPD
• Children with Additional Needs CPD
  
• Yoga History & Philosophy CPD

Whether you’re just beginning or growing your teaching practice, our self-paced programmes give you everything you need, at your own rhythm, in your own space, with expert support when you need it.

👉 Explore All Courses Here

We can’t wait to welcome you into the next phase of your mindfulness journey.
If you have any questions or want help choosing the right training path, just reply to this email, we’re here to support you.

Warm wishes,
​
Trish and the WiggleBums Family x

Today is #WorldMentalHealthDay got me thinking about the tools I use on a regular basis that has formed a solid raft in my life. It is something I come back to time and time again. It has quite literally kept me alive and at others, filled me with such peace and acceptance of who I am, what I can do, what I can not and the courage to express that. 

The self-reflection that comes with the practice, has helped me forge strong boundaries, grown belief in myself and raised my worth and value from off the floor. It costs nothing to do except time and needs nothing of great importance to practice. I do it as needed, so it has become an integral part of my life; and that of my children. I consider it to be one of my most valuable tools for life and up there with how to cook, change a plug and earn money.

Mindfulness is a deeply complex subject and something I’ve been exploring for over 20 years but for me, it simply means to be awake at the moment, of bringing my attention into the now. Of tuning into the present, still my mind and slowing down. Feeling inside my body, feeling anchored into the present moment. And it’s by being here right now and awake and aware at this moment that brings me time to be in creation of my behaviour rather than in reaction mode and playing out past outdated programming that’s been triggered within me.

It’s when I am in this place of being, in this place of awareness I can choose to move my focus of attention from what I don't want to have happen, to what I do. It gives me time to consciously create the steps to take me and the situation that I am into a positive conclusion.

And to help do this we can use our senses. By focusing on what you can see or hear around you, what you can smell, what you can taste, what you can feel, leaning into where you are right now rather than brushing it under the carpet and using the numerous distraction techniques we have all mastered. 

Using your breath and doing some focused breathing will rapidly change how you are feeling. It will regulate your nervous system helping settle your brain so you can think more clearly, changing your emotional state from the fight or flight mode, to the rest and digest mode. 

Focused breathing will pull your attention from the negative spiral of thoughts about what could happen, what has happened, the worry and fear around that, the overwhelming feelings that are coursing through your body and reconnect you to an anchor; the breath. It will help you stay connected to the present moment. Where you realise you are safe and all is well in this moment. It is in this state of ‘being’ that we have a choice, you have the ability to choose the direction you wish any particular situation to go.

We can create an anchor with our children and ourselves really easily. You can use their favourite teddy, my son had a clothes peg he would squeeze when he was overwhelmed, space can even be an anchor, sitting on your favourite part of the sofa can be an anchor. One of my anchors is up by the cooker, being at the helm of my home.

I like to use one which incorporates a bit of EFT tapping and breath work and when I use it my body relaxes and my mind goes still. It brings me back to myself. It regulates my nervous system and deescalates situations really quickly. It’s one of those things that the more you practice the more effective it becomes.

Start by tapping the edge of your fingertips tips, by the nail, with your thumbs, go through each finger, however many taps and cycles you need and at the same time take a deep breath in through your nose for the count of 4 and out through your mouth with pursed lips, for the count of 6; or longer.

I like to call this Ninja Tapping or Stealth Tapping because you can do this in the supermarket or the children can do this under their desk in school and no one will see them doing it.

Try it now…

As you tap and breathe bring your focus of attention to this and only this, notice how the body relaxes, your shoulders will drop and your mind goes still.

Our mental and emotional health is as important as our physical health. We need all three in balance to experience a positive and healthy life and there are a lot of amazing tools out there that can help. We have a Positive Parenting online course that is free at the moment if you fancy that or if you would like any more info or have any questions then please get in touch I'd be happy to help.

​Big Love,

​Trish,
Founder of WiggleBums, NLP Master, Trainer and Integration Therapist

Mindfulness is about recognising what you are feeling in the present moment and naming that. Staying in contact with what is happening right here right and now and allowing oneself to feel all of that.

This is something that has been conditioned out of us as children. 

For many of us our BIG emotions, tantrums, or times of struggle could not be handled by our significant others and were stopped through various methods from chocolate biscuits, to be separated from the rest of the family to being chastised, belittled, shouted at or even slapped. 

We were taught that who we are in our times of despair was too much, we were unloveable, not likeable and as such, we needed to suppress, hide, distract and not feel those feelings or voice our upset. When all along the person who ought to have been guiding us just did not have the skills in place to do so. 

What a different landscape it will be when our children have grown in an environment with a mindful practice as the cornerstone of life.

When we give our children space, support and guidance to be and work through their difficult experience it's amazing how fast they move through.

When they are not given this space and the experience isn't allowed to be felt, acknowledged and understood and so gets stuck and will keep getting played out until adulthood in the hope that it will eventually be understood, healed and cleared.

Rather than focusing on getting rid of any negative thoughts and feelings mindfulness offers an opportunity for you to lean in safely and with intention working through those big emotions, thoughts or behaviour and clearing it once and for all.

WiggleBums & Mindset Matters Weekly Mindfulness classes x